dyingread

A Continuation of the post Girls vs. Boys: Weird Things We Do Part 1

Girls: Group Restroom Breaks

What on God’s green earth goes on in there when multiple girls go in to the restroom together? Us boys get a little sample when girls take the notorious “restroom mirror picture,” but that’s just a tiny preview. There has got to be more to it. Girls are almost excited to go in together. The situation goes down a couple of different ways:

Case 1: A few couples are out together grabbing dinner. Everyone gets seated, drink orders are placed, and small talk ensues. Everyone is just getting comfortable when:

Girl 1: Well, I’m going to hit the little ladies room.

Girl 2 & 3: Oh! We’ll join you.

The remaining 3 guys at the table are like:

We’ll join you? So you don’t even need to use the restroom? Or you do? Or you’re just joining her… Like she needs assistance in there?

…

…….

……………

Oh man, they’re totally talking shit about us in there guys.

Well, the joke is on the girls because the conversation we guys have in that 5-10 minute span is E-P-I-C!!! It’s like

“So, where is that waiter with our drinks?”

and,

“How ‘bout them Lakers?”

with a little,

“Hmm, Filet Mignon or Prime Rib… What you getting man?”

…

…….

……………

Alright, you ladies aren’t really missing out.

Case 2: I’m at a house party that is so cram packed that everyone is nearly shoulder-to-shoulder. After a few drinks I really need to use the restroom. I head over and find a line that stretches down a long hallway. After patiently waiting for what seems like an eternity, I’m finally next. And thank goodness, because my bladder is on the verge of exploding. I hear the sweet clicking of the door lock and sigh with relief, when, suddenly, a girl abruptly interrupts me.

“I’m so sorry!” She pleads. “But it’s an emergency, do you mind if I go ahead?”

Hmmm, I think to myself.

It’s pretty dark in this hallway.

And I’m pretty drunk.

… Cannot accurately gauge how hot this girl is. What the hell! It’s one girl. How long could she possibly take?

“Yeah, sure, go ahead!”

Bad move.

Terrible move.

Start-heading-outside-and-get-ready-to-pee-in-the-bush move.

“Oh, thank you!” She says. “Kate, Jane, Alice, come on!”

Wait, whaaaaaaaaat? I think as the door slams in my face.

Could you imagine how ridiculous it would be if guys shared a single’s restroom, one peeing in the can while the other is fixing his hair in the mirror?

Guy 1: Duuude, Janice is so in to you man.

Guy 2: Riiiight! I’m totally going for her.

Guy 1: Do it man, she wants you bad! Alright, I’m done taking a leak. It’s all yours.

Guy 2: For sure. Don’t leave me!

Guy 1: Dude, we’re bros man. I wouldn’t just abandon you mid-pee.

Guy 2: You’re a true bro, bro.

Girls vs. Boys: Weird Things We Do Part 3 coming shortly…