It’s not as easy as it sounds. There is a very methodical approach required when it comes to taking a group picture for girls. Please take note of the following if you wish to leave unscathed and free of claw marks.
It is always the guy’s responsibility to take the girls’ group photo. Never mislead yourself into thinking that the girls are inviting you to partake in their joyful activities – I speak from first hand experience when I say the rejection is more painful than one should ever bare… The situation goes down as follows:
I’m with all my friends at a special event. Everyone is dressed nice and spiffy. One girl friend shuffles through her purse looking for her camera or phone to take a picture. Like a contagion, every girl begins scrambling for her own camera. So it begins…
“Let’s take a picture!”
Those words make my ears perk up like a dog who thinks he just heard the UPS man roll up in the drive way. I look at the assembling group of girls. I make eye contact with one of them. She smiles and starts towards me.
“Aw yeah, here it is!” I think to myself. “She’s wants me to be a part of her group photo. How flattering! She’s gonna post this picture up on facebook and everyone will see how cool and popular I am at this event. People will think I’m such a pimp cause I’m surrounded by all these girls. My family members will finally think I have friends. My secret crush will be SO jealous.”
Girl: “I was wondering if you –“
“Aw, say no more. I’d love to!”
Girl hands me the camera.
“You’re the best!”
She pats me on the back.
A single teardrop rolls down my cheek.
“Cheese on 3!” *sniff sniff*
If the girls are wearing heels, you better get those bad boys in the frame. It’s insulting enough that you weren’t even considered to be in their group photos, but now they’re making you reshoot because you forgot to get the heels in? I guess you have to give the ladies credit since the trade off between pain and beauty is so great – by the end of the night they are limping around like zombies from The Walking Dead. Is it worth it? Well, along with pregnancy, menstruation, and an affinity for glittering vampires, it’s just another mysterious “girly thing” guys will never understand.
The higher the angle, the skinnier the girl. What is this witchery? I don’t know, but it works! Play it safe and just go for a high angle shot.
When a girl asks, “Did the picture come out okay?” she’s really asking, “Am I hot as balls? Cause if not you better toss that shit into the spewing lavas of Mordor.” You just took the group photo and now all the girls hobble over to you in their baller heels, huddle around the two inch screen, and closely examine the only thing that really matters: their own face. Some ladies react kindly to a bad picture:
“Aw, that came out bad. Can you take another one please?”
While others are a pack of wild hyenas:
“EW, NO FUCK THAT! I’M UGLY AS BALLZZZ.”
“WTF MICHAEL, HIGHER ANGLE. I’M SO FAT!”
“WHERE… ARE… MY HEEEEEEEEELS?!!!!!”
You must combine finesse and dexterity to be efficient. Once you are designated the group photographer there will be 4-5 other cameras thrust at you at the same time. Use the camera straps to dangle cameras on queue around your wrist. Now take two photos at once with a camera in each hand. Careful! Some cameras flash once while others flash twice. The electronic industry really needs to establish a standard here because it completely fakes people out. But, until that is addressed, cope with it and be prepared to take multiple reshoots.
And there you have it. Stay proud when the pictures are finally uploaded and take glory for your valiant efforts. Brag to your friends and point out the pictures you took.
“Ey bro, you see that picture? That one right there? The one where all the girls look super skinny in their baller heels that are clearly within the boundaries of the frame? The one I’m not tagged in and no where to be seen? That’s cause I took that picture, bro. All… me.”