After conducting copious amounts of research (I have been an older sister now for approximately 19 years, 7 months, 2 hours and 41 minutes), I have gathered my findings and decided to post them on this highly scientific, world-renowned, often-quotable blog. (I’m expecting a call from TIME Magazine later today for my work in this field.) After running regression and correlation analyses on the data, calling the country’s leading psychologists and consuming more caffeine than is generally recommended by physicians, I have concluded that in order for a game to be 19-year-old male approved, it must have two key elements:
1. The male in question must have the opportunity to prove himself to his friends and/or to any onlooking females.
2. The male’s friends must have the opportunity to inflict physical harm to the male in question if he fails in his task.
That, my friends, is how the game of Shenanigans was born. Forget football, hockey and the Olympics, Shenanigans is the ultimate game of all games for dudes. The crowned master of testosterone-fueled sporting events.
The game itself is simple. If your friend foolishly spouts hyperbole (i.e. “Bro, I’m freaking starving. I’m going to eat a million chicken wings when we get to BJ’s.” or “Halo 4 battle? Dude, I’m going to murder you!”), you can call “Shenanigans” on your friend. The exaggerator needs to do what he said he would (eat a million chicken wings…murder you…) or else you get to hit him in the face.
Male readers, aren’t you enthused? Can’t you think of the numerous times a day you/your friends say things like, “I’m getting all the girl’s numbers here tonight.” (Hah. Shenanigans.) From long road trips with my brother and his friends my research, I’ve learned that this game is especially fun if you play it in a group. Far more occasions for physical violence, embarrassment and photo opportunities.
However, before you start playing, there is one more important rule to be aware of: If you call Shenanigans inappropriately, YOU get hit in the face.
It does not count if your friend says, “I benched 560 pounds yesterday.” (Shenanigans claims must be made in the future.)
It does not count if your friend says, “I might be able to eat three pizzas in ten minutes.” (Shenanigans claims must be definite.)
It does not count if you fail to call Shenanigans immediately after your friend makes his claim. If he goes on to a new sentence, your chance is lost. The aim is to call Shenanigans directly after the exaggerated statement.
So now you have it. Take this new knowledge and go out into the world, better equipped to humiliate your friends/test your own ability to consume mass amounts of chicken wings.
Now if you’ll excuse me, TIME Magazine is calling.
image by acrazychicken
