From: Michael Lee
Many years ago, at the peak of AOL Instant Messaging, Robert and I convened in the secured confines of our chat box several times a week. Here, we held conversations that explored our adolescent angst, high school infatuations, and schemes to become the next biggest punk rock band. We would also often ramble about the latest sports trends – this was a tense time for both of us since the Lakers/Suns rivalry was really heating up back then (I’m still trying to convince Robert to root for the Lakers now that Nash is here).
From there, our conversations would occasionally go on the wild side and shit would get crazy. Like, SUPER crazy… The subjects are much too mature for me to discuss on dyingread (just kidding, I really just don’t remember any specifics but I thought I’d hype us up a little bit. Did it work? ARE YOU AMPED?). What I do remember though is that a little while back we re-read some of our old conversations and, my God, were we awesome and hilarious (Rob, how were the girls not crawling all over us like an Axe commercial back in high school?!).
I also realized we have done a complete disservice to our friends, nay… society, by denying them the privilege to read in on our great thoughts and observations during our conversations. Now, since AIM went the way of the dodo bird, Rob and I will e-mail each other throughout the day (don’t tell our bosses…) and compile an insightful conversation for everybody to enjoy! Isn’t this fascinating, Rob?
From: Robert
Mike,
It’s a privilege to give people eyes and ears into our enthralling conversations. We can do this just like we did in high school… I’m gonna send you a Taking Back Sunday song that totally describes my situation with you know who perfectly. Later on, I’ll ask you for the answers to Colomac’s chemistry homework. For the sake of pride though, we should probably leave out all the parts where we’d fantasize about the girls from the Class of 2007. (If any of you girls are reading, you + us + “Regal’s” movie theatre? Pretty sure my mom can drop us off, too.)
A lot of things have changed since high school, though. Laptops have officially replaced desktops. Facebook has officially replaced myspace. And it’s finally cool to wear tighty whities again. (…right?)
Another significant change is that we started this little blog called dyingread. Even though you and I are both just big dorks, Occasionally people actually like to read our stuff! I think we’re pretty lucky to have people give us much needed affirmation via facebook likes and “LOL” comments. In return, we’ve given them an email gimmick because we can’t think of anything to write anymore.
(Don’t tell them I said that. We can edit that part out, right?)
What I meant to say… is that we owe it to readers to keep them updated on what’s going on with dyingread because they’re awesome and they don’t mind that we have a few hundred dollars of outstanding debt. (Selena and Lan, we’ll pay you eventually!)
From: Michael Lee
Is it cool if I reply to your e-mail from my phone while I’m on the toilet? I mean, if we’re not doing something while we’re in there it’s just time we’re never getting back, right? But seriously, how gross are our cellphones, really? Since the huge burst of smartphone ownership over the past few years, time spent on the toilet must have increased significantly on average since, say, 15 years ago. Back then, it was in and out. These days, you scroll down your Facebook, Twitter, Instagram (by the way, my estimate is that 25% of all “likes” on Facebook or Instagram are done while people are on the can. For me, it’s 100%. Keep that in mind the next time you receive a “like” from yours truly).
I cringe every time I’m in a public restroom and I hear the iPhone’s artificial keyboard clicking from inside a stall. Like, seriously, that text couldn’t wait 2 minutes to be replied to in a hygienic manner? Imagine putting all smartphones under a microscope – they’ve gotta be at least as, if not more, dirty than a public restroom door knob. And guess what? At least you don’t ever put a door knob to your face, but you will put your phone there every time you get a call! Any thoughts on this Rob?
(PS. Do you think this sudden change in subjects made Lan and Selena forget we owe them money?)
PPS, Rob, you couldn’t be more right about running out of ideas to write about… I mean, my most recent post is called “Places to Avoid on a First Date,” as if I know anything about dating! Hahaha! Ha. Ha… Haaa…
From: Robert
Hahaha… Mike, I’m scared to think where I am if YOU don’t know anything about dating.
Tying the two together, I was reading an interesting article recently about the texting/dating revolution. Nowadays, flirting almost always begins on the toilet via text. It’s almost like a rule or a game you have to play to adapt to the times.
A brief history lesson…
In medieval times after all the dragons were hunted to extinction, young knights suddenly had to find another way to a princess’ heart. Thus, they invented poetry, and the Cavalier movement as a whole. (The Cavalier movement also produced pirate hats, Chevrolet, and Lebron James.) Women came to accept this new form of courtship as fact, and men had to adapt… even though they wished they could just let their broadsword do the talking.
In the same way, I think our courtship rituals have shifted with the advent of texting and ubiquitous access. It’d be kinda weird to just call someone up to talk on the phone for 3 hours, or ask someone out in person. That’d be “awkward”. Now you’ve gotta be digital friends… start with Facebook or maybe Twitter… get a number through a mutual friend… start texting…. maybe do a facebook chat…
It all seems sorta ridiculous, doesn’t it? Am I the only one who wishes there were still dragons to be slain?
(I’m speaking in terms of metaphor. Not actual dragons. That’d be scary. Unless I could ride one. Cuz that’d be awesome.)
From: Michael Lee
If having to slay dagons means that Daenerys Targaryen (Khaleesi) from Game of Thrones is around, then I’d have to argue it’s a fair tradeoff. But then, of course, it’d be impossible for us to ever fall in love since I’d be a dragon slayer and she’s, you know, the mother of dragons (do I smell Hollywood’s next big Rom-Com screenplay brewing?!!!).
Anyway, I completely agree that the texting/dating revolution is pretty ridiculous. For starters, I’ve spent the first decade of my life in the 90’s crafting and honing my pimp-game skills during the pre-texting era… and now I have nothing to show for it. Fortunately for my friends (nay, society), I’ve studied the game enough since then and broke down the text message language (Dissecting the Text Message) so we can all be familiar with common translations; for instance, if you receive the text message “K.” it pretty much means “THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER, AND I TOOK THE EFFORT TO ADD A PERIOD TO THAT TEXT IN ORDER TO PUNCTUATE (NO PUN INTENDED) THAT FACT. GOOD DAY TO YOU, SIR.”
And yes, I’ve learned from experience…
From: Robert
K.
