When I was little, I was really shy. I’m not even sure shy is the appropriate word to use here, it sounds like I was hesitant to talk to people in a cute, playful way. A more accurate description is other people made me want to throw up. (In a nervous, anxious way. Not like… they’re disgusting. Although for some of you, that too. Jay-kay that’s mean.)
I’ve always liked girls. (Somewhere, my parents are relieved.) Talking to them was never easy. For the most part, girls only talked to me when they needed help with school. I figured this was something valuable I could offer, and I wanted to talk to them, so it seemed like a reasonable transaction. This was the extent of my interaction with the finer sex until two years ago, when I finished college and then no one needed help with school anymore.
Just kidding.
In 5th grade I moved to a new house. I had to make new friends. This was absolutely terrifying. If you’re wondering why, you are awful at reading comprehension. And if you’re a girl who’s awful at reading comprehension, I can help you with that.
My neighbor was a typical 5th grade boy. He liked playing sports, Pokemon Stadium, and Magic the Gathering. I also liked these things, so we got along great. At the same time, however, we didn’t talk much. As shy as I was, there seemed to be a big part of me missing—like there were things I wanted to verbalize but couldn’t because I was too busy trying to beat his super aggro red/green deck. (Um. That was a Magic the Gathering joke. Don’t judge me.)
There was something appealing about girls because they offered conversation. We didn’t need to be doing something. I could just be relational with them. Because sometimes, guys just want to talk.
But in 5th grade, boys don’t just talk to other boys. Most of us still don’t. It’s weird. You might think you can text a fellow guy and say “Can you chit-chat for a bit over some coffee or maybe a loose leaf tea?”, but…
At least for something that’s not too serious. Hitting a dude up “To talk” means someone died, someone’s going to die, he caught his girlfriend cheating on him, or he caught your girlfriend cheating on you.
So right around this time, at the ripe old age of 10, I decided I needed people to talk to, and that meant females. One day after school, I nervously approached a girl from my class.
“Hi.”
“Hi Robert!”
Pause
“um.. did you need help on the homework today?”
“Oh, do we have homework? Isn’t it Friday?”
“Oh yea, oops.”
Pause
ASK HER ABOUT SOMETHING. WHAT DO GIRLS LIKE?!?!
“So uh, do you like The PowerPuff Girls?”
“YES OMERGAHHD I LUV THE POWERPUFF GIRLS!”
“Whoa, really?”
“YES! DO YOU?!?”
“Uh yea, they’re ok. I like Ed, Edd, and Eddy better though.”
“OMERGAHHD I LUVE ED, EDD, AND EDDY EVEN MORE!!”
“NO WAY! WHO’S YOUR FAVORITE?!?!”
“ED!”
“OMERGAHHD ED IS MY FAVORITE TOO!”
“Are you going to watch it tonight?”
“Yes, I am. I always watch cartoon cartoon Fridays.”
“Cool! My mom’s here, I gotta go. Bye Robert!”
DID I JUST HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH A GIRL WHERE WE DEFINED A MUTUAL INTEREST IN CARTOON CARTOON FRIDAYS?!?!?!
And that was the formation of every interaction I’ve had with a female since. It would start with something broad like cartoons, or movies, or music, but eventually mature into deeper conversations. By the time I finished 5th grade, I had over 10 girl friends. (That would be friends that were girls. Not girlfriends. Omergahhd I didn’t like-like them! LOL.)
(Ok fine, maybe I like-liked half of them or something.)
I also made tons of guy friends doing things like playing basketball and marbles and video games. But we never really talked about things. Especially feelings.
Fast forward 15 years (yikes, I’m old) and that hasn’t drastically changed. Feelings just don’t seem to come up too often in con-bro-sations. Maybe that’s why most of us men are emotionally stunted. Maybe that needs to change and men need to open up to each other more. Or maybe there’s value in cross-gender interactions; an exchanging of perspectives which interrupts the status-quo that’s healthy for both of us. I’m not sure how girls benefit from these things, but I’m sure they can articulate their feelings on that better than I can.
For all you guys still trying to figure out how to talk to girls, start with cartoons and work your way up. Girls, in general, are fantastically relational and really good listeners. You can probably find a different form of interaction than you find with fellow dudes, which let’s be honest, we all crave to some degree.
For all you girls, maybe indulge a boy friend and ask how he’s doing. He might want something more than to just help you with your homework.
And if you didn’t catch that reference—seriously, let me help you with reading comprehension.
image by learnNC.org
